adioa7777's Journal

MY HEART
TODAY I FEEL NOT THAT GREAT JOURNAL!!! SOMETIMES I WONDER IF ANYONE OUT THERE EVEN CARES. BEING ALONE IS ONE THING BUT BEING GAY AND ALONE ARE TWO VERY BAD THINGS. I MISS ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND AM VERY UPSET RIGHT NOW. MAYBE DUE TO INSECURITY WITH MYSELF OR JUST BEING LONELY. I HATE THIS I WORK SO MUCH TO MAKE MONEY AND I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT!! I AM PAYING FOR MY APARTMENT WHICH IS A GOOD THING BUT THE OTHER STUFF KIND of SUCKS, 22 AND GOING ON 40 IS HOW I FEEL SOMETIMES!! I HATE THE FACT THAT IT IS SO HARD TO FIND A GOOD PERSON. PEOPLE NOW ARE SO JADED WITH SELF DELUSION. WHICH MAY BE A SIGN OF THE TIMES OR SOMETHING ELSE NOT SURE HERE LOL. SOMETIMES I FEEL TO MUCH AND I THINK THAT IS MY PROBLEM!! I MISS BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP I GUESS I GOT SO USED TO THE ONE THAT I HAD THAT I FEEL INCOMPLETE STILL!! YOU WOULD THINK THAT AFTER 2 YEARS OF HURTING OVER THIS I WOULD BE DONE WITH IT BUT IM NOT! INSTEAD RANDOM HOOKUPS WITH MEN WHO ARE NOT WHAT I SHOULD BE WITH! I KEEP GOING AFTER THE SAME TYPES OF PEOPLE ITS LIKE GOING IN A CIRCLE EXCEPT IM THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS HURT!! AND MY FRIENDS I AM AFRAID OF SHOWING MY TRUE SIDE, VULNERABILITY, SEXUALITY AND MY HOTNESS. LOL SOUNDS LIKE A SONG...... IM SCARED RIGHT NOW JOURNAL WHICH I GUESS IS GOOD BEACAUSE IF I WASNT SCARED THERE WOULD BE A PROBLEM!!! LIFE HASNT BEEN GOOD FOR ME EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD!! THIS IS A 1ST FOR ME TO ADMIT WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY. I AM A CHILD OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! MY FATHER HIT MY MOTHER ALL THE TIME WHEN I WAS A KID AN TO THIS DAY I AM STILL SCARRED FROM IT! MY FATHER I DONT THINK MEANT SOME OF WHAT HAPPENED BUT THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO HIM WHEN HE WAS YOUNG!!! IT WONT CARRY ON. I HAVE MADE SURE OF THAT, BUT THE TYPES OF MEN THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH JUST ARENT WORKING!!! I DONT LIKE GUYS MY OWN AGE BECAUSE THEY DONT USUALLY HAVE ANYTHING GOING FOR THEM!! I LUV OLDER MEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE AND USUALLY TREAT YOU BETTER!!!

Current Mood: curious

Advertisement